Thank you for sharing your heartbreaking story. It touched me deeply. I have no words of comfort or advice. I know there is no guarantee that if you had stayed by his side your pain would have been less or it would have done more for him. Life gives us unimaginable choices and we do the best we can. You had a life to live as well, and he blessed that. You were doomed to suffer no matter what you did, given your love and grief. I just hope you will find some peace now.